


You- you and him!

by EpicFail1994



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book quote, Gen, Misunderstandings, Out of context quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicFail1994/pseuds/EpicFail1994
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of the best out-of-context quotes from the wonderful Harry Potter series comes from our bae Hermione: “I knew it! You- you-You and him!”</p><p>This is one of the many places that quote has ended up, when Remus needs a quick cover for his furry little problem</p>
            </blockquote>





	You- you and him!

“Oh, er, I can’t tonight” Remus panicked, awkwardly. Most things he did awkwardly but this was a particularly unfortunate one. McGrew narrowed her eyes shrewdly.

“Oh. Well. And why not? Got another sick aunt? Mother? Brother? Long lost cousin? Do not lie to me, Lupin” she hissed, taking a step forward and squaring up to the taller boy. Remus gaped at her, eyes widening. He quite liked McGrew, most of the time. Unfortunately the rest of the time she terrified him.

“What? Lie, I-”

“I’m not stupid you know. You’ve been ‘busy’ an awful lot when it comes to your Prefect duties and I won’t stand for it! You may not have any ambition but _I_ do and if I want my ambitions to become reality then I need to become Head Girl and to become Head Girl I need this year to go _swimmingly_ and in order for my year to go swimmingly I need my Prefect records to be flawless but my Prefect records can only be flawless if the Prefect duties get done flawlessly and that can only be done if _your_ Prefect duties are done flawlessly!” the girl was shaking by this point, eyes bugging out and nail-bitten finger poking him in the chest.

Remus felt his stomach drop. He swallowed shakily. 

“It’s just-”

“No! Enough of the excuses, I want the truth! _Now_ ” McGrew hissed, trembling where she stood, a good few inches shorter than the boy in front of her, but no less frightening. 

“McGrew, I-”

“Moony! Moony bamboony! Moony bamboo-inie!” Sirius Black, possibly the only person who could make this situation even worse (other than James Potter), swaggered down the corridor.

“Sirius-” Remus tried, he really did, but if Sirius was one thing it was unstoppable. Which is why he opened his mouth and said the exact wrong thing.

“Come on, Remus. Clocks ticking. Dorms empty, James and Pete have already left. We gotta go. The night is getting young but not for long. The lone owl hoots at the sky, and all that jazz.” he grinned, winking quickly at McGrew whose face was already going red. Remus huffed as if the wind had been knocked from him, face going slack in horror. From the corner of his eye he could see Sirius opening his mouth, excuse ready in his mouth – prank, detention, plotting; any of which had always worked in the past when people questioned Remus’s oddly timed absences. But it wouldn’t now. Remus could see the pieces click together in McGrew’s slightly undersized head (which, despite what she may think, her volume-charmed hair did not help disguise).

“I **knew** it!” she shrieked, and Sirius choked, words dying in his mouth.

“McGrew-” Remus started, but was driven over by the girl’s horrified epiphany.

“I knew it! You- you-”

“McGrew-”

“You and him!”

“McGrew, calm down-”

“I didn't say anything! I've been covering up for you-”

“McGrew, listen to me, please! I can explain-!”

“You – Black – you’re shagging!”

“McGr- wait, hold on, _what_? No, we are _not_!”

“You’re always scurrying off together, never saying where you’re going. All those stupid nicknames, and to be honest you’ve always been weirdly close. I mean, Merlin’s left arse cheek, Lupin, do you think I’m an idiot?” McGrew scoffed, scowling.

Remus gaped at her, his heart not sure whether it was safe to return from his throat or not, as Sirius spluttered beside him.

“Oi-you-Me and-we are _not_ -weirdly close, what do you- _what?!_ ” he finally got out, scowling.

“Look, I don’t give a toss what you guys get up to when Potter and Pettigrew aren’t around, but I swear on your grave, Lupin, you better not skive off a single more round. Got that?” McGrew blinked menacingly at him, which Remus hadn’t even known was something that _could_ be menacing, and it was terrifying to discover that he’d been wrong.

“O-okay” he stammered, standing on Sirius’s foot when the boy went to speak again.

“Good.” McGrew grinned suddenly. “But don’t worry, boys, your secret’s safe with me” she winked, which only made the whole thing more horrifying really.

“Thanks” Remus choked, as she turned away. He managed an impressive five whole seconds after she'd rounded the corner at the end of the corridor before he turned, in stunned silence, to Sirius. It was then a further three seconds before load peals of laughter could be heard though-out Hogwarts.


End file.
